This summer…

…is officially over. But I like to reflect back and say that it was a wonderful summer for my self-esteem. My friends and family have been fantastic with the compliments. My wardrobe was altered slightly: something about feeling good about yourself makes you want to look at bit sexier then you were. And it was wonderful. So wonderful that I stopped trying and my goal has been out of sight. The drinks and food have been flowing. And somehow I am losing sight of the goal that I wanted to reach. And now fall is here. And hibernation is inevitable. And baking season is here. Oh boy oh boy.
Should I just chuck it up and just wait for January 1st to start a new resolution? My decision? No. I have a goal and I want to reach it. I have nothing to stop me. Except myself. I have been my biggest obstacle in the past 2 months. My travelling is over. No more “vacation diet”. You know the “I’m on a vacation and I will get back on track when I get back.” No more of that. So go me go.

If you were in Haiti, he would have left you already

I‘m not a totally conventional woman according to my mother. When I was “allowed” to finally date and had an official boyfriend, I never dressed up unless we were going somewhere special. I got out of the gym and went to say hi. I wore regular clothes and no makeup. My theory was you need to love me in every way possible (au natural, made up, tired, etc…) I learned how to cook against my will and made a point to tell my boyfriends that I didn’t know how to cook. I never thought it was fair that I was helping my mom clean the house from top to bottom, washing clothes by hand while my brothers were just hanging out in their rooms simply because they were boys.
Fast forward many years later, my husband is the main cook in the house. He cooks, I clean. He takes out the trash, I do laundry. I think we work on striking a balance when it comes to the work around the house and in life in general. I don’t believe that if we are both working the same type of jobs and for the same amount of hours, I am expected to have food on the table every night. I never thought this was right thus I live by the rules that I believe are right. And then my mom comes to visit…..dissecting everything I do wrong of course. One of them is asking my husband what’s for dinner instead of providing it. Reminding me that my generation doesn’t know how to handle marriage and that’s why there’s so many divorces nowadays. And the coup de grâce, I am lucky I live in the US because had I stayed in Haiti, other women would have snatched my husband a long time ago because they don’t play. What does one answer to that? Absolutely nothing. Does cooking every day really “keep a husband”? Because I know some fabulous women that I observed do everything around the house and their husbands still ” strayed”. They didn’t leave their wives but always seem to have time to do someone else. Did I miss something here? Are we doomed because I failed my “training”?
I believe in love and respect. I respect my husband and I appreciate everything he does and that’s what I want him to do in return. Not just expect that his laundry is done but appreciate that it was done. I feel that when the appreciation is lacking in a marriage that’s when the real trouble start. Am  I wrong to think like that? Is that really considered a progressive or feminist thought?

You can make any dream come true

According to a family friend, Aquariuses of unbelievable optimistic person. You want to be president? Absolutely, go for it! You want to get that job? Right behind you! You want to write a book? Then start writing, I’ll read the drafts.
And there goes Pooh Bear, nodding his head away. “That’s definitely her. She doesn’t think anything is impossible.”
Let me tell you something, technically nothing is. I cannot believe that I would be so devastated over a phone when mine got stolen. Because with my little device in hand, I was able to transfer money, check where I am, what was the nearest restaurant and google whatever the heck this guy just said about Kirko Bangz. Now, let me tell you, how may people said that was impossible? Exactly! If anything this new era has taught me is that we can make anything happen. We have shuttles out in space on a regular basis! Women who are not able to carry children themselves can find gracious women that will carry them for them. So why can’t I believe that anything is possible? I mean we exist. That in itself is crazy!
So…for that reason, I want to make another dream possible. I want to be 130 lbs. I want to feel like a million bucks and look it too. I can use the having a baby excuse for so long.
Here’s the things about dreams though. What are you going to do about them?  I can’t say, I have a dream and then… nothing. That I am not optimistic about. You want to write? Write something all the time or on a regular schedule (cough -hubs – cough). You want this promotion? Talk to people, get in touch with the right people, get your grind on.  You want that job? Clean up your resume, clean up your language (cough – bro – cough) and get your grind on. You want that body? Put down that late night snack (cough- Dee – cough), stick with the plan, don’t ignore the scale and wish for the best…
So, I bought a scale and got an accountability partner. She is my cousin and after chatting up with her last weekend when she came to visit, we decided that by my next visit to NJ, I had better lost 10 pounds. Challenge accepted! Are you with me? Any tips?
By the way, I did run/walk my first 5K under 45 mins. So proud. Next year, we run all the way!

Body Image

6:30 AM. After shower:
Me: Good morning. Geez are these new rolls on my back? Hi belly!
Mirror: (Looks back in silence)
Me: When did I get these stretch marks? Do they go away? There is seriously nothing for stretchmarks?
Mirror: (Looks back in silence)
Me: I’m never going to walk out naked with these boobs. Gravity is not my friend…
Mirror: (Looks back with wide eyes)
Me: Since he’s seen me through all these stages, I guess I’m stuck with him.
Mirror: (Smirks in silence)
Me: Can’t go back to an ex, they knew when everything was tight and up.
Mirror: (Looks back in silence)
Me: It’s 6:45! Makeup time! (When I say makeup I not only mean for the face, your clothes “makeup” for what you lack as well. You know what I mean, they lift, smooth out, distract…)
Mirror: (Puts on clothes and applies eye liner/mascara in silence)
Mirror: (Sprays water on hair and fluffs up curls)
Me: I guess I’m ready to go. Need to do push my work out today. These rolls are getting out of control.
Mirror: (Blank stares)

Later that day
Coworker: Oh my gosh, you look so pretty! Love the hair and the earrings! Did you loose weight?
Me: (Big smile) Thanks! I’ve been working hard. You made my day!

Confidence: The art of leaving all personal criticisms st the door when you leave your house.

A little conversation…..

I don’t remember what we were talking but we ended up on this part of the conversation. I thought it was notable….
Pooh: You are lucky I’m not your typical Haitian husband
Me: What does that mean?
Pooh: a husband who wouldn’t mind fixing you with a couple of slap
Me: You mean beat me?
Pooh: Yes!
Me: Oh honey, I already told you, I don’t  have daddy issues. My dad was in my life and he never gave me examples of these behaviors. I just heard the stories but never witness any of that. All Haitian men or Haitian husbands that I know do not behave that way.You must know the wrong people.
Pooh: You mean you don’t know anybody like that?
Me: No babe, I don’t know anyone like that.
Pooh: What if I was like that?
Me: Then we wouldn’t be married. I already told you, I don’t have daddy issue.Everyone have respect and there will be no problem.

Dear MIL…

I know I stole your son, your confident, you bodyguard and your precious baby. I know you think I’m not good enough for your precious. I know it’s rough to see that another woman actually make him smile and laugh. I know you hate the fact that he is living in another house and no longer needing your cooking. I know you hate the fact that he doesn’t ask you advice just like before and that he has to consult me before making any decision. I know that you think you have a say on how we raise our children or even how we feed them. I know you think if your method worked for your precious son it will work for his children. I know you think I have no idea what I’m doing….
Here’s the thing. I appreciate you and all that you do.I love your cooking. I love that you raise this wonderful man I call my husband. I also know that he’s not perfect. We’re just perfect together. I appreciate all your help but give me the liberty to pick between your method and my mom’s to come up with a good combination. After all, my mommy made the lady that was able to snag your son. I’m not trying to turn him against you. Who am I to come between you two? I just want to build a good foundation with him with no constant interference. Did your MIL treat you this way?
I hope you know that no matter what, I love you MIL.

Yours truly,
DIL

 

 

The Prodigal Son

Sometimes the family that I married into makes me  reconsider having children. Then again, I need to believe that I’m bringing something to the table, so I should have some faith.

Once upon a time, there was a young man who was envious of his older brother. He felt that the first-born got everything he wanted and that their mother always gave him the most attention and affection. Later, a little sister was born and he felt really left out. He started looking for love and affection in different places. That is women, parties, etc… He started a degree, decided he couldn’t handle the major, and switched. Deciding that this one definitely wasn’t it, he switched again… this time to the army. He had met a nice girl that was joining and they were in love. So there he went.
Flash forward  a couple of years later, he decides after multiple begging from the woman that he should get married and does so. Of course, he doesn’t tell anyone in his family. He also decides to move away from the family with his new bride and build a new family there. From time to time, there is a call about how things are going but specially when money is tight  and a rescue is needed. You see, a baby was born and with that came quite a few more expenses than anticipated. What also came were some mood swings after the bride was left injured from the war. The happy person that he talked about did not look it at all. She didn’t feel like doing anything and did nothing . And the bedroom took a severe hit. On a vacation, the prodigal son met his brother and his new wife and started complaining about all these facts. However, the minute he got back home, things seemed to have worked out because we were announced the arrival of baby number two shortly after. The bride’s mother joined the clan to take care of everything. Making life much easier for the couple and they lived happily ever after… Not!
More to come…..

Funny

“Behind a great man, there’s a great woman and an astonished mother-in-law.”
Had to share, so hilarious!

Family Dynamics

Today I’m reflecting on how two families with similar backgrounds and similar middle class mindset and education can be totally different. Also, I am reflecting on how when people are giving you the reasons why when you get married you have to move with your husband only, they tell you this for all the wrong reasons. Just like they give us the right reason to “wait.” You see the reason why when you get married, it is ideal to move in your own place on your own is the limited interaction with each other’s family. Yeah siry. That is the main reason besides learning one anther’s dynamics. I came to this conclusion this weekend as I was examining once again why I married the guy, why I moved away for him, how I miss my family (blood and created, etc… My theory is as follows, when in the dating phase (aka gaming phase), the sole objective is to gain the other. Acquire their trust, their love ,their affection and be excited by one another’s company,etc…. However once, you’ve become official, that’s when “they” come in. I’m not talking about your friends and those cousins (we will refer to them as FAM1) that have been partaking in the exciting part of the courtship. Not the ones that have been telling you what you should be doing, how to turn him on, don’t give up, etc… Nope. I am referring to the people, let’s face it, you will have the big wedding for (let’s call those FAM2 – sorry mom!). They’re the ones that are so glad that you found somebody to add to the family. The ones that evaluated if he/she was worthy of the apple of their eye. That’s when in the process, everybody has an opinion. You usually ask FAM1 what they think or what you should do, FAM2 loves to tell you and point out how you could/should handle this better. FAM1 is happy for you and would have gone to a party celebrating your love, FAM2 wants to show that we have standards and there is a proper that things are done. Now here’s the kicker, when you get married and live with your husband/wife, you have try to establish a new FAM1 dynamics if you live with your in-law family (FAM3). Why ? Because they don’t know you. Your FAM1 knows your habits,what the raise of your eyebrows in a certain way means, when and how you get cranky, the reasons why you can become a bitch, why you don’t want to be bothered, the types of hugs you give and the polite manners you have when you’re totally blowing off someone. This FAM3 does not know it and they confuse you. You see, you’ve been living a certain way for so long that it takes a while to sink in that this is just like making new friends. You are not on your own, in your little world with the husband you convinced to be with you because of the way you are. Nope, you are with FAM3 now and you must direct your rules once more and learn their mannerism, the tactics, their mood swings, their tell signs.

Tricksy

About two weeks ago, my sis in law decided that it would be a good idea to get a cat at the house. Did I think it was a good idea? Absolutely not. While I’m a pet lover, I believe that they are like children. You have to take care of them, feed them and give them affection. Although I believe dogs need more attention, cats also get lonely. And the very next day I was proven right. I had just told my sis that no way I’m feeding or taking care of a cat. Specially after the dog scenario with my brother. I told her I didn’t want to be an aunt and that maybe I should be a b($&@ since people keep making me babysit. I think I was a little harsh that night and pooh told me I can be sometimes. He also told me though that my actions are always contrary to my words and that anyone that knows will find out that I do care and I show it with my actions more than my words. What a sweety! But he was right. You have to understand that I can’t bear anything or anyone in pain. The next morning, she was crying out because I guess she was lonely and hadn’t figured out how to climb the stairs. So I woke up from my sleep and spent the whole morning with her. Since pooh and I had a more regular schedule than everybody else in the house, I feel like we’re Tricksy’s adopted parents. She wants to be in our bed at  all times and follows us around. I wish I could declaw her since I’ve been playing with her and play biting. Now that she’s bigger, she’s biting hard. I hope that people will eventually see reason. C’est la vie.